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The Dictator of Polluted Pixie aka: An Announcement

posted in: Poppy, Pregnancy | 1

RickA little known fact: For the past 3 months, everyday at Polluted Pixie, Mandy and I have been controlled and manipulated by our newest staff member. You might call this person a dictator even, as she has completely taken over our lives and we now have no free will of our own. Every aspect of our lives are being controlled, right down to food and clothing choices.

Now, Mandy might scoff at my use of “we” here, as she is currently gestating our tiny dictator and thus bears the brunt of the dictatorship, but I am only slightly less subjected to the whims and hormones of our* fetus. After all, I have to sit beside the host of the dictator, who, I might add has taken on some of those personality traits (as I write this I duck, cover and grovel, “I’m sorry!” as The Host glares beams of fiery hell at me. Just kidding, she’s not here… but it could happen. “I’m sorrrrrrryyyyyyy!”).

Poppy**, our dictator, is the size of a kiwi, but already has some strong likes and dislikes. For instance, Poppy loves pulled pork, Teen Burgers, poutine, sushi and soup. Poppy hates yogurt, jeans, cigarette smoke and the smell of her dad’s head sweat. There is a lot of peeing and some barfing happening and Poppy is always hangry. HANGRY.

Here’s the truth, Poppy can have whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I will murder and feed the body parts to Poppy, if she so pleases, since I love her more than I love her mother now, as an Aunty should. As such, I’m announcing that Poppy will be born in April of 2015 and “she” might be a “he” we’ve no idea. The Host has given strict orders for Facebook silence on this matter, but Poppy demands to be acknowledged, adored and obeyed and Aunty CiCi will give Baby whatever her tiny head wants. So, I am maneuvering around the No FB Clause by making the announcement via our website and if it makes it way to FB, well… I don’t know anything about that.

Aunty Cici loves you more than your mother does, Poppy. Don’t forget that.

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* The fetus is a Shop Baby and therefore half mine. Her parents can fight over the other half.

** Poppy is the fetus name, not the baby name. Poppy is called so because when we first discovered her, she was the size of a poppy seed.

****************************************************UPDATE*************************************************

Poppy now hates Pulled Pork :(

One Response

  1. Greggo
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    Hahahahahahaha!!!! And, bizarre! Right up my alley! Congrats!!!